Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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