Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
