38 yer olds are good kisserssss
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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