My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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