she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
