Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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