I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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