just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
