she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
