your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
