when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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