there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
