She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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