he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
