Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
