You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize