That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
