the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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