clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
