Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
