it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
