I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
handjob tips. give me some.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
