This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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