I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
