Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
