i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
