Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
