I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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