yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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