i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
