so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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