i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
