dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
