My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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