I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
