Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize