I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
