I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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