Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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