I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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