So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
