watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize