her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
