Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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