Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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