I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
