I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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