Swine flu. Run for my life!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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