The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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