covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
