I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
