Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize