I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Your penis caused this!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
