You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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