The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
