Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
