It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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