wake up i wanna do it froggy style
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
