I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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