haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
