There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
did i walk over a car last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
