i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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