so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
