you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
