I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
