how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
