either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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