You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
